


There is no real magic in the world; only love

by Ec123



Category: Endeavour (TV)
Genre: Alternate Ending, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-28
Updated: 2017-11-02
Packaged: 2018-12-07 13:53:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 10,670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11624904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ec123/pseuds/Ec123
Summary: The rest is all smoke and mirrors.......A happier AU ending for series 4





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I tried to keep it as close to what could have happened on the show as possible. I don't think the London offer would be mentioned if things went this way between them. Sorry for the clumsy writing. They would be awkward together- Morse because he's Morse and Joan because she's never dealt with the trauma she experienced and she just got beat up by her married boyfriend. I imagine she's pretty vulnerable at this point and Morse is being careful with her emotions.
> 
> Also I have no idea if flats at this time would have a small fridge with a freezer. Just pretend that it's there and Morse has frozen peas or something in there!

“Marry me!”

The words had come out more forceful and confident than he had intended. It hung in the air between them. Joan looked intently at him and for a second, Morse felt a jolt of hopefulness as a glimmer of wistfulness and longing passed in front of her eyes. Then, it was gone and she looked very sad as struggled to find the words to answer.  
“I….I don’t want your pity, Morse. ……Never mind what dad would say!”

He suddenly felt very weary and he closed his eyes; opening them again to shyly glance at her and to whisper, “Then, marry me for love.”  
Hot silent tears began to roll down her cheeks. She sat down on the small coffee table. Perplexed, Morse knelt beside her and asked questioningly, “Miss Thursday?”  
“Don’t waste your love on me, Morse. I’m a terrible person; I don’t deserve any of it. I got someone killed. I don’t talk to my parents. I did something horrible with a married man who then hit me. I would only end up hurting you even if I did love you back.” Joan cried silently looking at the floor. “Even if all of that were true; none of it would make me love you any less”, Morse whispered again not daring to fill the space with the passionate clumsiness of his first outburst. “Is there any way you could care for me, I thought…..” She lifted her eyes and met his, “I do care for you, a great deal……maybe I love you too”. She barely whispered her foolish little answer and he had to bend closer to hear it. “Morse, the truth is, I’m going to have a baby; I’m so ashamed. I could never let you shackle yourself to me; it wouldn’t be right; it’s not yours, it’s not your responsibility. I used to imagine hearing such words from you, but now I’ve even made this a mess. I used to risk being late to work every morning just to talk to you!” Her crying had started again as her words rushed out; Morse knelt beside her and gently took one of her hands in his. “Whatever you’ve done; whatever you’ve think you’ve done; I still love you. Baby or no baby, I still love you. Marry me for love “, he whispered again. Her eyes met his again and they both stared at one another; almost too afraid to move. The phone rang and Joan jumped and put her hand to her head.

 

“It could be work”……………………. “It wouldn’t be anything else”. She handed him the phone. He took the call, his eyes still fixated on her. She looked very young, fragile, and exhausted. As he hung up, he laid the phone down and reached for her hand again. “Please, just stay here; I’ll be back as soon as I can.” She nodded. “Promise, me, Joan, promise you will stay here. If you need to get your things, I’ll go with you tomorrow; you don’t have to see him alone”. He realized for the first time, she didn’t even have her handbag; she must have fled her flat with just the clothes on her back. He wasn’t entirely sure how she even got there- to Oxford, to him. She nodded again, “Please don’t tell my dad if you see him- anything, not what happened” pointing to her eye “or that I’m here- please!” “I won’t” he whispered again. "You said my name," She smiled, "And , yes. My answer to you is: yes. I do love you, Morse." Joan said. He quickly made an ice pack from the pitiful contents of his small freezer. “Hold this on your eye. Help yourself to anything- records, books, or take the bed if you need a rest; I’ll be back soon.” She nodded and sat in the one chair holding the pack to the bruise. He kissed her hand and then her cheek before he headed out into the night hoping she would still be there when he got back.

 

As he came down the stairs to the flat, he held his breath as he unlocked the door and peeked inside. Joan was still there, fast asleep in his chair with her feet propped up on the small table. Moving silently, he turned down the bed and gently lifted her from the chair and laid her in the bed. He pulled the covers up around her, soothed her hair, and bent down to gently kiss her on the forehead. She stirred slightly and then became quiet and still again. He sighed, ran his hand through his hair, and went to stretch out in the chair drifting in and out of sleep, glancing over every now and then to made sure she was indeed there and not a figment of his imagination.


	2. Saturday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Morse helps Joan get her things. Joan goes home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Morse and Joan are still pretty awkward with one another. I think he realizes that she's dealing with a lot and he feels like he doesn't want to push her or slather her with affection/sweet nothings b/c she literally just got hit in the face and she is still carrying a lot of guilt. They will be more relaxed as the story continues.

Joan had slept better than she had in a long time. She didn’t remember being this comfortable when she fell asleep. The bed felt different, smelled different, her brain, heavy with stress, wasn’t registering where she was right at first as she slowly woke up. It all came into her mind in a rush. She had been terrified when Ray had hit her and she had run out of the flat and hitched a ride to Oxford. In her panic and nowhere else to go, she had ended up at Morse’s. She remembered it all now-his clumsy proposal and then sweet outpouring of love, and yes, her acceptance. She slowly sat up in the bed and looked around. Her stomach flip flopped with butterflies when she saw him stretched out in the one chair. Asleep, he looked boyishly handsome. “I’ve got it bad for him”, Joan thought to herself and she blushed as she realized she was in his bed in the ridiculous pink mini dress that Ray had picked out for her to wear and that she had nothing else to put on when she did get up. While she was thinking about what to do to help her save face, Morse stirred and began to wake.

“Good morning”, he smiled shyly at her. “Good morning” she smiled back at him. “Did you sleep alright?” he asked. “Yes, thank you Morse, I’m sorry to have taken your bed.” He brushed away her concerns, “no, no, I often sleep in the chair; I’m used to it.” She swung her feet down and sat up on the edge of the bed. “Let me make you some tea.” Morse said. “How’s my eye?” She winced as she asked. “It looks …better than last night.” Morse slowly answered. Joan sighed and sat down on his coffee table. He fixed her cup and handed it to her, sitting down next to her. She closed her eyes and sipped her tea. “Don’t worry; it will soon heal.” The table was small so he was sitting very close and Joan felt herself blushing like mad and he hoped he wouldn’t notice her whole face was flushed. “Morse, I need to say something to you and I hope you will hear me out” Joan blurted out. This time it looked as though he were blushing and Joan almost laughed but it gave her courage to plunge ahead with what she needed to say, “I want to start out with you by telling the truth and I need to apologize to you! I am so sorry for how I treated you when you came to Leamington. I guess I was confused and with everything that had happened…..I just wanted to forget. I want you to know that I love you and have for a long time. I didn’t completely realize it until that day at the bank, well….. the thought of losing you too and that it could also have been my fault…..” she trailed off and Morse cut her off with, “no, no you don’t have to apologize to me. Nothing’s your fault.” “I just want you to know I want to marry you because I love you. I couldn’t bear for you to feel like I’m using you because I’m in trouble…………., just please know that I love you.” “Joan,” he said her name and lightly swept her hair from her face, “I love you too and I wouldn’t have asked you to marry me unless I really meant it.” Joan dropped her head, “I know I said I couldn’t go home, but I have to. I don’t want to put you out anymore and I have to start telling the truth to everyone. And I don’t think it would look ‘right’ for me to stay here anymore…..if we are going to be married.” Morse nodded and said, “We just finished with a case so things should be quiet today. I can borrow the car and help you get your things.” “Yeah, that’s probably the best thing; then I need to go back home and face them. I love my family, but I know they will be disappointed with me; that’s what hurts so bad.” “Don’t worry, Miss…..err Joan”, Morse said catching himself. Joan smiled slightly, “I like when you say my name.”  
___________________ Driving to Leamington, Joan told Morse what happened after she left. “I hope you don’t think of me as a tart….I just wanted to forget everything. That first night I wanted to get good and drunk and that’s when I met Ray. I don’t even like him! I just felt worthless and I wanted to block it all out, be someone different. I felt I couldn’t mess up any more ‘good’ men’s lives- I might as well be with what I deserve.” Morse nodded and listened to her. “I never think badly of you. It’s understandable….what you went through, but you far from deserve a life like that. Does he know about the child?”. “He may suspect, but I never told him. He doesn’t care one wit about it, and he doesn’t need to know. I know I’m putting a lot at your door, but if it’s alright I just want the baby to know you as its father. If you want to run, I wouldn’t blame you….. “Joan was so mortified to be telling Morse all this, but she was also glad she could trust him. Morse gave her a half smile and a head shake, “I’m afraid you’re stuck with me….. But, if you want to run, I wouldn’t blame you either.” Joan laughed a little. It made Morse’s heart warm to see her act like her old self- laughing, smiling at him. “Once I leave here today; I don’t ever want to talk about him again.” She said soberly.

When they arrived at the flat, Joan let herself in with a key hidden above the door frame. “He locked me out once…..” she half explained. She quickly went into the bedroom, changed into simple jean capris and a blue top, and got her old suitcase out and began filling it with whatever she had brought with her. Morse just looked around peering at all the plants and flowers that seemed to clutter every corner. Joan came out with the suitcase in hand and followed his gaze. “Yeah….every time he got mad at me he would bring me some flower or plant the next day to make up for it. It’s a bit much.” “Charming”, Morse muttered. The doorknob to the flat jingled with a key. “What’s all this then?” a badly bruised Ray opened the door a bouquet of flowers in hand. Joan clutched her handbag and suitcase. “What does it look like then? She’s leaving you!” Morse said defiantly. “Look, I don’t know who you are mate, but it’s none of your business; shove off!” Ray exclaimed as he tried to grab Joan’s arm, “Aw Joanie, little Joanie, you know I didn’t mean it.” “Don’t touch her! Just let her through. I’m a police officer and it is my business!” Morse blocked Ray and gestured to Joan to just keep walking into the hall. “So, that’s it then, you just get your dad and his cronies to bust up innocent men’s lives; you’re bad news and I knew it the first time I saw you! Just get out of here! And you (he turned to Morse) I’ll have you and the dad’s badge!” Ray continued to yell obscenities and threats as Morse guided Joan down the hall and onto the elevator. Joan wiped away tears and looked at the floor. “Great guy”, Morse tried to make her smile again. “Oh the best” Joan quipped as she wiped her eyes, “he can’t really do anything to you and dad, can he?” Morse shook his head, “no, he’s just talk.”

The drive home was quiet. Joan stared out the window and every so often would sneak glances at Morse. “You know, whatever you think you may deserve. I promise you, you don’t deserve that.” Morse broke the silence. “You deserve so much more.” Joan gulped and nodded, “Thank you for coming with me today. I need to tell mum and dad the truth about everything and about us too, probably tomorrow……then, I’ll come over to your place in the afternoon if that’s alright? Will, you be home?” “Sure, if nothing comes up with work……..,” Morse answered. He drove up to her familiar house and parked across the street “I’ll wait ‘til you get in”. “Like old times” Joan whispered and smiled. Joan got out and came around to the driver’s window. “Thank you for everything; I know I keep saying it, but I don’t deserve any of it.” “Of course you do!” Morse exclaimed. He took her hands in his and kissed her palms. Before he could say anything about it Joan bent down and quickly kissed him on the lips, giggling at his surprised look as he started smiling back at her. 

She crossed the street and rang the bell. Joan shifted on her feet back and forth. “What if they aren’t in?” she thought. “I’m a 25 year old woman, but I feel like I’m about 7 years old right now”. Joan breathed in and out as she could see her dad approach from behind the glass. Fred opened the door and seemed startled, “Joan, what in the world?, he asked with concern. Joan couldn’t help it as she started crying, “Daddy, I’m so sorry for everything.” He held out his arms and gathered Joan in them pulling her inside. “Fred, who’s that at the door?” Win called from upstairs. She started down the stairs asking again, “Fred?”. At the sight of Joan, Win ran down the last of the stairs and pulled Joan to her. Through her tears, Joan could see that both her mum and dad were crying. “I’m so sorry, mum! I’m so so sorry!” Joan cried. Win grabbed her hand and pulled her to the sitting room. “Come sit and just let me look at you!” Win ran her hands through Joan’s hair just like she used to do when she was a child. Joan knew her dad saw the bruise as he pursed his lips, but he didn’t say anything about it. Win cradled her daughter’s face and saw the purple too, “Why, Joan, what on Earth happened?” Joan took a deep breath as more tears spilled out. “I have to start telling the truth…..to both of you. Dad knows or he can at least figure it out.” “Fred?” asked Win “What did you know?” “Mum, I only went as far as Leamington….. Dad ended up finding me or rather Morse did….I had been living with someone until yesterday and this was my parting present”, Joan said drily. Joan felt small and ashamed as she pointed to her eye. “Joan, oh Joan” Win hugged her tight and cried with her. “Where is he now?” Fred asked with tender concern. “Dad, don’t start anything. I don’t know where he is or would be now….I’m so tired of it all. I left today and I am not going back. “How did you get here?” Fred asked again. Joan sighed, “Morse helped me. He’s been a good friend to me. I didn’t know where else to go at first.” “There, there” Fred patted Joan’s back, “I thought I saw him go past as you were coming in. good man.” Joan began to cry again; her hormones were going bonkers as well as the stress and varying emotions of the day wearing on her. Win hugged her to her and stroked her hair. Joan fell asleep right there in her mother’s arms and barely noticed both Fred and Win helping her upstairs and into her old childhood bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have some ideas for a few more chapters: possibly 4 or 5 in all ending with their wedding. I will try to add a chapter each week! I hope everyone enjoys it! I'm not a writer, but I think the Joan/Morse happily ever after should be explored.


	3. Sunday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joan talks with her parents.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It didn't start out this way, but I guess the rest of the story will be mostly from Joan's perspective. I'm a girl and near her in age so it just made sense for me.

Joan felt dizzy as she awoke then a heavy nausea hit her as she sat up. Panic set in as she jumped out of bed and ran into the hall bathroom, closing the door and turning on the tap so her parents wouldn’t hear her sounds of retching. “This is a fine thing to wake up to” she thought shakily, “I hope they don’t hear or it’ll be out before I can say anything. Thank God, it didn’t happen at Morse’s yesterday morning! I would never be able to look him in the eye again”. Joan turned on the shower and stood for a long time in the warm water; wishing to wash away the past 6 months. After feeling clean for the first time in days, she went to her room and dressed; praying her old clothes still fit and would not betray her. Her bruise was yellowing and she dabbed some makeup over it. As she walked downstairs, Joan could hear her mum humming as she fixed breakfast. Joan could smell she had fixed all of her favorites. Her dad was in the dining room reading the paper as she went past. Win hugged her close, “Go sit with your dad, breakfast will only be a minute.” Her mother sounded so happy, Joan hoped that nothing she had to say would hurt her again. “Morning, Dad”, Joan said softly. “Morning, Joan, come sit here” Fred’s voice was tender and he watched her with careful eyes. “Now, Joan, “he said softly, “I’m not going to say any more about it, but I’m glad you had sense to leave and come home. We want you here and we love you. I didn’t mean what I said, you know….about you made your bed. I was just upset and worried for you.” “Yes, dad” Joan said softly again knowing that what she would say about the baby would probably hurt them both. “Joan! Come help me bring this to the table!” Win called from the kitchen. Joan rose and went into the kitchen, taking a dish of eggs. She tried to ward off the feelings that came up, but the smell was too much. Joan ran to the dining room, threw the eggs on the table in front of a bewildered Fred and ran to the upstairs bathroom, diving in front of the toilet. “They know now”, she thought as she started crying and vomiting. Her mother came silently behind her and held her hair back, caressing Joan’s face with her cool hands. Her kindness made Joan cry even harder which made her gag even harder and it was a while before she could calm down. When at last, Joan was no longer gagging, Win put her arm around her and said, “Come on, love, let’s go talk about it.” 

 

Joan let herself be guided downstairs and sat in a chair in the dining room, her mother sitting next to her, her arm still around Joan. Fred looked just as bewildered as when she tossed the eggs on the table. “What’s going on, Joan?” Win asked quietly. “I….I was going to tell you sooner…only I fell asleep last night”. Joan looked down at the table afraid to see the disappointment in their eyes. “I’m so ashamed and I know what you must think of me, to come back here like this, with marks and now……,” Joan sighed and closed her eyes, “I’m going to have a baby. I just found out in the past week or so.” “Oh, Joan.” her mother breathed out while embracing her. “Ray’s the father?” Fred asked quietly. “Yeah”, Joan nodded, “I know this isn’t how you raised me and it isn’t who I am. I wanted to escape after the bank raid- to be a different person. I hated myself and just wanted to forget. I felt and feel mostly responsible for the things that happened and I’ve only made it worse.” Win and Fred looked at one another. They all sat in silence for what seemed like hours to Joan, but it was only a few minutes. “Well, Joan,” Win began softly. “Spare me any lectures, mum and dad. I know I did the wrong things and that I have to face the music.” Joan had begun crying quietly again. She wiped her face and took a deep breath. “I told you that Morse had been a good friend to me…..” Joan could see her dad stiffen out of the corner of her eye. “Because of what happened at the bank, I realized what it would mean to me to lose him. He’s asked me to marry him; and I said yes.” “What?” exclaimed Win. “The hell he did!” shouted Fred. “Fred, please!” Win tried to shush him. “Dad!” Joan exclaimed, “What else is there for me? “She said bitterly, “I don’t want to go away again- what? to live with Aunt Rene for 8 or so months and then have to give up the baby. I can’t stay here and continue on- Oxford’s big but not that big- I can take the talk, I deserve it even, but to have you and mum talked about and shamed and whispered about as bad parents with the wayward daughter when you aren’t would break my heart. What? I’m going to live here as always and just be embarrassed to go outside, just hide away for months? Then be talked about as “that girl that had a baby” forever afterwards? If I love him and he loves me……….you said yourself he’s a good man…..” Joan trailed off and just stared at her hands. “I know it’s a bit of a shock….and I know I don’t deserve it, not at all, I’m a terrible person but this way the only thing I’d and you would have to endure is someone mentally counting backwards to 9 after the baby was born.” “Joan…” Win seemed to be struggling for what to say. Fred sighed, “What then, he’s been biding his time, waiting for a chance to steal you away?” “What!? Dad! It wasn’t like that at all!” Joan started shaking a little but speaking calmly and quietly. “What happened at the bank changed things between us……….He’s always done so much for me. He protected me at the bank, he tried to get me to stay that morning, and when I really thought I had no one left he came and found me in Leamington. Not even to mention that he helped me go back to get my things. If Morse says he loves me then he’s the type of person that wouldn’t say that unless he meant it. I know I don’t deserve it” Joan repeated this again and the tears began again, “But I really do love him back. I want to marry him because I love him.” “Well, Joan,” Fred seemed dumbfounded, “if you love him, you love him.” His voice became more gentle and caring, “But all the same, you don’t HAVE to marry him if you don’t want to. We can weather this together, you and mum and me. We don’t care what people say; we don’t care about the talk. Just give it a few days; you don’t have to make any snap decisions. ” “Thanks, dad, I know and I’m grateful, but I couldn’t put you and mum through that. I don’t want to be more of a disappointment………….to ruin your good name along with mine.” Joan just stared at her hands. “I know you aren’t a little girl anymore; you’re an adult, so I’m just going to say this and I won’t say any more. Morse is rather an intense man, he feels things very deeply, and once he makes a promise to you he’ll keep it til his dying day. He’s private and careful to let people in. If you can’t handle that or think you can’t live with his idiosyncrasies; it’s best to get out now, before you or him get hurt anymore.” Fred said. Joan nodded, “I know, I know, I understand that.” Win wiped her tears and hugged her tight. “Are you going to see him today?” Fred asked. “I told him I would.” Joan said quietly. “Invite him to come around then.” Fred said stoically. “Ask him to tea.” Win said. “And you’ll be nice? No gun on the table and a speech about how no one will miss him?” Joan asked. “Me?” Fred exclaimed. “I’m always nice, especially to Morse! That thing with the gun was just one time with one of your wild past boyfriends! I wouldn’t do that to Morse!”. “Well, good then.” Joan sniffed. “And Joan,” Fred said, “you’re very very wrong; you deserve all the good life has to offer, you aren’t a bad person.” Joan remained quiet and then asked to be excused to go lie down. “I’ll bring you a tray up later with ginger tea”, Win told her.

Fred and Win sat in silence until they heard Joan’s door shut. “I must say you are being very cool about the whole thing, Win! Is that what you want for her?” Fred said. “Fred, what can I say? She’s 25. It doesn’t matter what I or you want! I don’t want to lose her again. I don’t want her to run off with him or someone else and we will never see her again! I will say I’m glad it’s Morse and not any of the others you’ve brought home! Joan’s made mistakes and she’ll have to face them, but why wouldn’t I want her to find a little happiness and goodness in the midst of all that? If he’ll be good to her; then what can I say to her that will change her mind? And as much as we love her we won’t be able to protect her from what people will say about her if she's unmarried and pregnant. ” Fred pursed his lips and lowered his voice, “Well, I am stunned! I never imagined either of them felt that way about the other! I knew he may have come to care for her, but I didn’t think it was serious.” Win looked at her husband, “Fred Thursday, you’re a good detective, but you miss things that happen right under your nose in your own house! Did you really think that as she got older, one of yours that you brought home wouldn’t think she was interesting? Like I said, better Morse, than that Sgt. Jakes; he was always leering at her and saying crude things, even in front of Sam and me! Morse was never anything but proper and kind to her, but if you have eyes in your head you could have seen the way they both looked at each other in the mornings. I know we suffered, but I think he was hurt badly too when she left.” Fred sighed, “I know he was. Did they really give each other looks? Where was I? I thought they barely talked to each other”. Win answered, “Sam teased her about him constantly; what did you think all that dit dit dah nonsense was about?” “I thought Sam was developing a nervous tick or it was the latest dance craze. The father’s always the last to know! And they’re so young! Can she really get married this young?”. “Oh, Fred stop it. Don’t be so dramatic! We were younger than they are and didn’t know each other for nearly as long and you should have heard what my father said about it!” Win told him. “Why, Win we knew each other our whole lives! And we were never that young.” Fred answered. “Knew of each other, yes, but we really didn’t spend time together until two weeks before you left for Africa. Then we wrote letters and you asked me to marry you and that was that! My father was not too pleased. I was only 18. But I married you because I loved you and I’ve never regretted it a day in my life.” Win said matter of factly, “They are both close in age, both nice looking, it’s not too much of a stretch that it could happen! Morse is a nice young man, Fred”. Fred sighed again, “I don’t mean to be in a panic, but damn it, Win, this is the moment I’ve been dreading for the past 25 years as a father. You worry she’ll meet the wrong man and you worry when she’ll meet who she thinks is the right one! And this is Morse we are talking about! Morse! I never even considered …..marriage? You know…it IS a bit of a shock I don’t care what anyone says.” “It’s just you being a dad, Fred.” Win said. “Be happy; she's home now and let’s not forget, we’re going to be grandparents.” Win smiled and clutched his hand. “Yeah, yeah” Fred smiled back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There was more to this chapter about Joan visiting Morse, but I decided to give that it's own chapter. It will be up soon when I have finished it.


	4. Sunday continued...

Joan carefully came down the stairs. After that morning she felt lighter from her burdens, but also still shaky. Her mum had come up with a tray as promised and made her drink some tea and eat some toast. She had put make-up around her eye so that you hardly noticed it unless you knew what to look for. Joan wanted to be able to walk down the street and not have anyone stare at her face. Her old house key was still hanging on the key stand. She had left it behind all those months ago so she wouldn’t be tempted to come back. Joan picked it up now and put it in her hand bag. It made her feel happy to do that, but also a little guilty for feeling happy. Win came out into the hall and smiled at her daughter, “Going then? Remember both of you come back for tea. Dad’ll behave; I’ll see to that.” Win said lightly. “Okay” Joan felt a little shy after that morning’s revelations even around her mum and dad. She put on her coat and went out the door; thinking about the last time she did that. 

Joan walked the distance to Morse’s flat reviewing the morning’s events in her mind. As she approached the stairs that led down to his basement flat, she heard music coming up to greet her. She went down a few steps and then sat on a step just to listen. She didn’t know the piece or the artist, but it was beautiful. Her stomach went through its pinpricks of butterflies; she had always known Morse was a thinker and a deep soul and just thinking about it now mixed with the music made her happy that he even liked her. She also heard what sounded like him tidying up, a few bottles clinking together as they were put in a bin. She stood up and continued down the stairs. 

Morse must have seen her from the window because the music was turned off before she knocked on the door. He swung the door open, “Hello”; Morse said still a little shyly, “come in”. “Hi” Joan replied while she smiled at him, “well I have good news; Dad doesn’t want your head on a spike outside the city walls and mum wants you to come to tea.” He smiled back at her, amused, “That’s a good thing. So, it all went fine?” Joan bit her lip, “yeah, it was hard to tell them everything, but I had to try and make things right by being honest. They were both surprisingly understanding; especially dad.” 

Morse searched her face and slowly reached for her hand. “I have something for you, Joan.” Joan smiled and blushed, “Morse, you didn’t have to get me anything........really”. “Sit over here, the light is better by the window.” He led her to the chair and she sat as he sat across from her on the table. He pulled a small box from the window ledge and handed it to her. Joan knew she was blushing like mad again. She gingerly opened it to find a small and delicate looking old fashioned ring. 

Joan breathed out slowly. Morse had two spots of pink on his cheeks as he looked at her. “It was my mother’s …. I’ve had it since….” He trailed off. “If you don’t like it or you want something more modern; I can get you something else later.” 

“Oh no; it’s beautiful, Morse.” Joan said softly “I didn’t expect…… I wouldn’t want anything else.” “Rather it’s the hand that’s beautiful”, He said as he gently slipped it on her ring finger, “My parents didn’t have an altogether happy marriage, but I promise you……” his grimace changed into a look of sincerity as he kept his eyes on hers, “I just want to make you happy, Joan.” “I want to make you happy too”, she whispered. 

She leaned forward and put her arms around his neck and wound her fingers in the hair at the nape of his neck. He leaned in and kissed her so softly and then more passionately. Joan felt herself smiling in the middle of kissing him. He pulled away and said seriously, “I love you, Miss Thursday.” 

“I love you too” she said a little teasingly, “and what should I call you now? What’s your first name? Or do I have to find out at the altar?”. 

“Hmmm, well, you can still call me Morse. I’m used to it and I don’t care to use my first name. You can guess if you like.” He said as his eyes glinted with amusement. “Hmmm, well I know you are E. Morse…..Eric? Edward? Ernest? Ezekiel?” Joan scrunched her face in mock concentration. “I don’t know; tell me!” 

“My mother was a Quaker so they often give their children names having to do with virtues. Things like : Grace or Mercy.” Morse hinted. “Gosh then, I’ll never guess that; tell me!” Joan teased him. “Endeavour”, He said slowly. “Hmmm Endeavour Morse”, Joan repeated, “Endeavour Morse.” “Repeating a thing doesn’t improve it,” Morse shrugged. “I like it. It suits you- mysterious and elegant,” she said.

Joan thought she saw him slightly blushing again. It made her marvel at him; she had seen him on the job at the bank that day- commanding , knowing the right things to say, brave, authoritative even, but with her since then and now he seemed tongue tied and shy- almost as if he didn’t know what to make of her. I suppose I’m a little shy with him too, she thought, our relationship is changing from what it was to something new. 

“Thank you for telling me; I promise only to use it when we are alone together,” she gave him what she hoped was a sexy little smile. She knew he blushed that time as he said, “Thanks” and she laughed. She was more like the old Joan and it made him feel relieved; the very serious, guilt stricken, and lost version of her had really worried him. Even though her flirty behavior had always made him feel nervous and puzzled; he gladly welcomed it now.  
He stood up and pulled her up with him and then quickly hugged her and spun her around. She giggled and it felt good to his heart to hear her laugh. He put her down and she still stayed in his arms as she playfully swayed back and forth on her feet. 

“We need to talk about when to get married.” Joan whispered, she was embarrassed to bring it up because she didn’t want him to feel she was pushing anything. “Of course,” he said with a little nod gazing down at her. “I’m ….um …..I’ll start showing soon so at least within the next month. I’m sorry that it’ll be so quickly.” She said apologetically. He shook his head “Don’t be. I’m sorry it won’t be the kind of wedding you want.” “So much for the June bride….” Joan gave a little laugh, “It doesn’t matter. Let Sam have a big wedding someday; he likes that sort of thing – pomp and circumstance and all. I really want it to be very small; I’m proud to marry you so don’t think that, but I’m ashamed of myself given the circumstances. Mum and dad will want the closest family- Gran and maybe the uncles and aunts or cousins if they are around. But, I really don’t have any friends left that I can think of to invite; it will be hard enough to explain anyway.” 

“That’s okay”, Morse said “There’s just my sister and a few people from work, I guess.” “Your sister?” Joan exclaimed, “I am finding out quite a bit about you today, Endeavour.” Morse smiled sheepishly, “err my step sister really……my stepmother won’t come; but Joyce would like to come if Gwen lets her.”  
Morse lightly traced Joan’s hair from her face and recited,

Light, so low in the vale  
You flash and lighten afar,  
For this is the golden morning of love,  
And you are his morning star.  
Flash, I am coming, I come,  
By meadow and stile and wood,  
Oh, lighten into my eyes and my heart,  
Into my heart and my blood!  
Heart, are you great enough  
For a love that never tires?  
O heart, are you great enough for love?  
I have heard of thorns and briers.  
Over the thorns and briers,  
Over the meadows and stiles,  
Over the world to the end of it  
Flash of a million miles.

Joan found herself smiling as he bent down to kiss her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The poem is the last two stanzas of "Marriage Morning" by Alfred Lord Tennyson. I hope it isn't too cheesy. It was nice and about a couple facing the future with love. I really think Morse only quotes A.E. Houseman in length in Endeavour and in Inspector Morse, but he did read Tennyson to Pamela Waters in "Girl" so I thought Tennyson might be something he favored.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are awkward.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a hard chapter to write. I apologize in advance for how short it is and probably how badly written it is turning out to be. I had originally not even planned for these scenes, but it was fun to imagine and write them. It is a life changing weekend for Joan and I imagine that she hasn't dealt with her past trauma as well as the new physical abuse from Ray so she's feeling embarrassed, ashamed, hopeful, happy, and super hormonal from being pregnant. She's a complex girl. And other than Ray, she's probably never been in a serious relationship before.
> 
> My explanation for Fred: I don't think he's really THAT mad at Morse. When series 4 ends, there is tension between them over Joan- "You should have said something." "It wasn't your place to go looking for her, but you still went, didn't you?". I rewatched the entire series in the past two weeks (gearing up for the US showing of season 4) and there are several times from "Home" to "Harvest" where anytime he suspects anything between Morse and Joan he confronts gently and stares a lot at Morse, probably searching his reaction and then says "right". I get the feeling that he knows there is some sort of attraction between them anyway, but he's not encouraging it nor forbiding it. He doesn't know the extent of their feelings and he doesn't push prying about it and probably thinks it goes no further than just simple attraction. I think he is mostly upset because his role and part of his identity is changing quickly. He's always been the protective dad with 2 kids- one just left for the army and he hadn't planned on losing Joan. And then when she needs help , she's seeking out Morse instead of him. Morse protected her at the bank while he only scared her more. He hadn't even had a chance to process it. There's a lot of feelings un-dealt with swirling around there. I read an interview from either the writer of the show or Shaun Evans where it was expressed that in that time period it was highly unlikely that men would talk about their feelings candidly if at all, especially not with other men. So of course it's awkward and weird. I sort of picture Fred as a cross between Spenser Tracy in Father of the Bride and Robert De niro in Meet the Parents when he goes to talk to Morse.
> 
> I'm sorry if it's awful!!!

Tea had been interesting, Joan thought. Pity Sam wasn’t there to stifle snorts of laughter during awkward moments or kick her under the table; he would have thoroughly enjoyed that, she thought. 

All in all Fred had ‘behaved’; whatever disagreement he had ongoing with Morse; he didn’t bring it up or act like a crazed father. Win had hugged Morse upon arrival and had kissed his cheek, which had made him smile in a half embarrassed half pleased way. 

It had all been very light even jolly, she thought. Fred and Win had recounted their trip to Buckingham Palace and Joan had learned that Morse had been promoted to Sargent. “I guess I know its love then if she accepted you as a constable” Fred had quipped. “I guess so” Morse had shrugged and answered back, smiling though. 

“Have you thought about the wedding?” Win had of course asked. “Really whatever Joan wants” Morse answered. “Just something small, not a big to do, no fuss” Joan had answered at the same time. “Well, a girl only gets married once; I think your dad and I can make a little bit of a fuss over you”. Win said good naturedly. “I know, but not much.” Joan had answered.

Every so often, Morse’s hand had reached for hers under the table and he gently grazed her fingers with his. Her stomach danced with butterflies each and every time.

After tea they went out for a walk. It was nice to just relax with Morse, be herself again, converse, laugh, and hold his hand. Although in a strange way she felt guilty for being happy, guilty for enjoying life when Ronnie was dead and had lost all chances to ever do those things because of her.

They sat on a bench just talking as the sun went down. “We should head back. What was that you said once about a long kiss under your porch light?” Morse joked with her. Joan laughed and said, “hmmmm yeah we’d better do that here; I’d sooner not give dad another reason for a heart attack in one day.”  
___________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Morse was back at his flat for the night. He didn’t have the strong desire to drown his sorrows in a glass as usual. 

There came a knock at the door. Puzzled he opened the door as Fred Thursday pushed in, bottle and two glasses in hand. 

“Sir?” Morse asked confused. “Right, sit down and humor me” Fred demanded tersely. 

Morse sat, just looking questioningly at Thursday. Fred stared back at him and they sat in silence for a moment.  
Fred downed his drink and finally asked not in an unkind voice, “Right…Do you love her?” Morse blinked several times and took a drink. “Yes, yes I do, sir”. 

“And when did all this happen?” Fred sounded slightly in disbelief. Morse gave a slight little huffy nervous laugh, “It just happened, sir. What happened at the bank, her leaving; it just changed things.” There was a long pause and Fred stared at him. “From the moment I met her…….” Morse said more quietly as he broke Fred’s gaze and looked down. 

“Right, right”, said Fred, more gently and calmer now but still staring intensely at Morse, “And you’ll be good to her? Curb the drink some? Help her to be happy?” Morse blinked again and his eyes seemed glassy as if he was holding in tears, “There’s nothing more I want than to be good to her and make her happy, Sir.” 

“Then, I can’t be worried, can I? Welcome to the family, keep the bottle, and see you in the morning.” Fred shook his hand and left as quickly as he had come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are probably 2 or 3 more short chapters coming!


	6. Brothers and Sisters

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't really know about how a church wedding in England in the 60's would have worked. The bans have to be read and then it takes 3 months? Maybe quicker for those in the "family way"? Just pretend that for this story it all comes together.
> 
> Also, I am placing Joyce to be about 19 years old for this story. I guess there was confusion about that from the show. In the episode "home" she is shown to be in her late teens or early 20's, but if the dates from the books or Inspector Morse show were correct she would have been around 14 or so (or so I've read).

The wedding was in 3 and a half weeks. Morse had wanted to get married in a church; tradition was important to him Joan supposed, tradition and acoustics. And she knew he wanted her to be pleased and have a wedding close to what she always had wanted.

 

He must have known a vicar that owed him a favor or had explained of her “condition” because otherwise she didn’t know how it could have all come together so quickly.

 

Joan didn’t much care where they got married as long as it happened before the whole world could figure out she was pregnant. If the road to hell was paved with good intentions; the road back was paved with humility, she figured. But, she was glad to eat humble pie , have some vicar silently judging her , have a quickly thrown together wedding with the extended family wondering/ gossiping about it, as long as it set things right that she had wronged and spared her family anymore grief. 

 

After much pleading on probably both ends, his sister had come up for a day to help her pick out her dress. 

 

Joan had found Joyce Morse much more personable, warm, and fun than her brother although a bit blunt. 

 

Win had gone with them to help try on dresses. The plan was to buy a white dress or gown off the rack and Win had promised to add or change anything to make it what Joan had always wanted. She was lucky to have a mum that knew how to sew well. The same was going to be done for an attendant dress for Joyce. It was a small wedding, but Joan felt she didn’t have friends to speak of anymore, no one to ask. It was a nice feeling to know that Morse’s sister was just as excited to meet her and be her attendant. She had always wanted a sister and this was good as.

 

Joyce had been helping her zip up a dress in the change room so she could model for Win, when she had suddenly blurted out in a low whisper, “Are you going to have a baby?” 

Joan stared at her for a moment, shocked and feeling humiliated, when she realized that Joyce’s face was full of joy not judgement and that she was very happy by this prospect.

 

Joan softened and smiled back, “yes, I am” she whispered “please don’t tell anyone. Is it that obvious?”  
“Not a word!” Joyce promised. “I only noticed because you are in your slip. No one can tell otherwise. Can I come and visit after the baby is born? Please say yes! I can help out and I love babies so much!”. “Of course you can!” Joan said. Joyce had hugged her and said, “I’m so happy for you both! And now I have a real sister!” Joan couldn’t help but smile at her and feel the same.  
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Sam had been allowed to come home a few days before the wedding. They had both planned to go out one night a just talk at the local pub with Morse meeting up with them later. 

 

She feared Sam judging her and hating her for her choices. Aside from all the fighting and teasing they had done over the years, they had always been close and shared important things with one another. 

 

It had been particularly hard after Sam left, when things beyond her control had happened, it was, in a way, part of the convoluted reasons she left.

 

She hadn’t been sure about Morse back then, hadn’t wanted to intrude on his life with her problems, and she felt she had lost one of her biggest allies and support at home with Sam leaving.

 

Sam got their drinks and sat across from her at the table. “I’ve been worried about you, Joan. Really worried.” Sam said seriously. “Then we’re even”, Joan told him. 

 

“Oh come off it, Joanie. I’ve been in the army. Mum and Dad knew where I was. What’s all this, you leaving and not telling anyone where you were and then you show up and announce you are marrying Morse? And I get called back here for a wedding? What’s going on? We’ve always told each other the truth and the important things….You almost killed mum, you know.” Sam looked at Joan, puzzled. 

 

“I guess Mum and Dad told you about what happened at the bank……” Joan began. “Sam, it was awful. …I feel responsible…..the thing with Paul, Ronnie died because of what I did, the information I gave….I couldn’t answer the right way and they shot him right there…. They almost killed Morse….because of me. I just had to get away after that. Nothing I did was right. It was like getting kicked in the head, throat, heart and stomach all at the same time……I couldn’t breathe.” Joan’s voice was low and she dropped her head. 

 

“I’m sorry, Joan. I’m sorry I couldn’t be there for you afterwards.” Sam said truly concerned. 

 

Joan raised her head and looked at Sam. “It just changed things…..between me and Morse. I could never forgive myself if he had been killed and it made me realize I didn’t want to live without him either.” 

 

Sam gave a little huff of a laugh, “yeah but you still left.” 

 

“I know, I know” Joan said in a low voice. “I felt I was nothing but trouble, why ruin his life too?” She shrugged, “He came and found me……I didn’t think he would care that much. Sam, I didn’t think I had anyone left…..” 

 

“Gosh, Joanie” Sam said, “Then I’m glad that he was there for you. But, marriage? Now? Can’t you just date, like a normal person?”

 

Joan partly rolled her eyes and breathed out a sound of annoyance. “I see, mum and dad didn’t tell you everything……Sam, I’m going to have a baby” she said softly. 

“Geez, Joanie!” Sam’s eyes widened as he exclaimed shocked and condescendingly. “Shhhhhhhh, keep it down” Joan whispered as she looked around nervously, scared that anyone would zone in on their conversation at Sam’s outburst. 

 

“Is it his?” Sam whispered shock still echoing in his voice. Joan shook her head, “no” she said quietly. 

 

“Oh my gosh….. Joanie!” Sam exclaimed again but in a whisper voice. He took a drink and just looked at her. “Well, I’m glad I don’t have to punch him in the face when he gets here……but, I don’t know what to say to you……… what happened while you were gone?” 

 

Joan felt her tears start and she brushed them away. She sighed, “I met someone that wasn’t that great to me. I felt I deserved it….I don’t know, I just wanted to forget everything that happened; drown my sorrows. Do everything bad because I felt I had messed up everything good….”

 

Sam got up from his seat, went around the table, and embraced Joan. “Gosh, Joan. I’m so sorry………..But, You do love him, right? Morse? He loves you? I like Dit dit dah as well as anybody, but you are still my clunky sister. I don’t want you being in a marriage just because he’s available and it’s not for the right reasons.”

 

“Sam” Joan said wearily, “I wouldn’t marry him unless the right reasons were there. Even if I hadn’t left and I didn’t NEED to get married……I think we would have eventually gotten close to the same conclusion. This just expedited things.” 

 

“I’ll say…..HA! And I teased you all those times about him! You really should be thanking me, you know. I was right about it all!” Sam smirked playfully.

 

“Yeah, yeah, don’t let it go to your head about the ONE time you were right.” Joan laughed. 

 

“You may name the baby Sam or Samantha in honor of me.” Sam declared. Joan groaned and rolled her eyes again.  
“ Joan….Here we are all grown up or something” Sam said.

 

“I know, it’s strange, Sam-Sam” Joan told him smiling.  
“Well, here’s to you and Morse, then, cheers! I hope you will be very happy; I mean it, Joanie.” Sam said. “Thanks, little brother.” Joan ruffled his hair and then clinked his glass.

 

She looked up as Morse was coming through the door and she waved him over. “Now be nice” she whispered at Sam. “Always!” Sam said as he winked at Joan .

Joan excused herself to go to the bathroom (the joys of pregnancy!). She shot Sam a look as she left to telepathically tell him to not be a nosy sod or tell any embarrassing stories in her absence.

 

“So, how’s the army?” Morse inquired, nodding at Sam.

 

“It’s alright.” Sam shrugged grinning, “I like it”. “Congrats though, to you and Joan. It’s great to hear.” He held up his glass and clinked it with Morse’s.   
“She’s okay though?” Sam lowered his voice and asked with concern. “I mean she told me a good bit. You will take care of her? She’s my crazy sister, but she had me worried. What kind of brother would I be, ya know, If I didn’t ask?”

 

“Of course, Sam.” Morse answered and nodded, “She’s better; it’ll just take time.”

 

Sam nodded, “The whole Ronnie thing…..we knew him since we were all kids, so yeah, I can see it bothers her.” Morse nodded again.

 

“Anyways,” Sam continued shaking off the somber mood he started, “I’m glad it’s you……. Sincerely” . He grinned at Morse who grinned back.

 

Joan came back to the table and sat next to Morse. He lightly patted her knee. “So what were you chatting about? “ she asked, mostly looking at Sam. 

 

Sam smiled his funny smile, “Ah , I was just telling Morse how awful it is to share a bathroom with you and advising him never to eat your cooking.” “Ha ha , Sam. You are so funny.” Joan balled up a napkin and tossed it at him. Sam caught it and they both laughed. “Nah, she’s a great cook” he turned to Morse, who smiled, “but the bathroom bit still stands”. 

Morse’s eyes crinkled from inwardly laughing at their banter. He was always amazed by their easy comfortable relationship. He guessed it came from them both being close in age. Once, when he was just the bagman in the hallway, he swore he saw them both having a conversation just with glances and facial expressions alone, although he was clueless to what it was all about- Sam tormenting Joan about something.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There was going to be more about Morse and Sam talking and I may add that later on. I just haven't had time to sit down and write it out so I posted what I have so far; otherwise it may never get posted. I hope it's enjoyable.


	7. something like that

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was meant to be up sooner; but things kept happening. I hadn't intended to even write this bit, but I kept having ideas about it. I hope it's readable and enjoyable! There will probably only be one more chapter in the next few weeks to end this story!

The wedding was in a week and Morse was feeling nervous. 

He always preferred to keep his personal life and his work life from intermixing, but there was no way around this. The short timing of it all was not enough time to prepare in regards to actually telling people about it, inviting them to come.

Thursday was the only one he ever shared anything remotely personal with; despite Trewlove’s prying and Strange’s shouldering in at times.

He loved Joan and was happy/ excited to marry her, but letting the whole of his work colleagues in on his and hers personal life was more than the tiniest bit rattling to him. His desire to protect Joan from speculation and embarrassment was strong as well….. 

There were only really two people he cared to tell and have them attend. Thursday could let the rest know if he wanted, Morse supposed.   
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

He rubbed the back of his neck and sighed as he knocked on the office door. 

“Ah, Snappy!” Ms. Frazil sang out in greeting and held up her glass, “I haven’t seen you around in a while! Not off to London, then?” 

“No, I decided to stick it out.” He mumbled. “That’s good, then! I’m glad! I was afraid we had lost you.” she exclaimed. “What can I do you for?”

Morse hesitated nervously, “I came to invite you to a wedding.” 

Ms. Frazil raised one eyebrow inquiringly. 

“My wedding….” He said.  
She gave him a look, “hmmmm sounds like the girl trouble worked itself out then.” “Something like that…..” Morse said.

“Well then, who’s the lucky girl? Do I know her?” Ms. Frazil asked as she leaned forward very interested.

Morse could feel himself turn pinkish as he said, “Actually it’s Joan Thursday…..Inspector Thursday’s daughter.” 

Ms. Frazil started to smile and gave him a knowing look this time. “Then I’d say rather that you are the lucky fellow.” Morse gave a quick lopsided smile, “I know”. 

“How very right. I’ll be there with bells on!” She gave him a wink as he went out the door.  
__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Morse nervously scratched his neck as he listened to DeBryn finish up with his report on another body. He was directed to the bits and bobs on the side and began examining each one. He wasn’t even sure how to bring it up. 

Thankfully Dr. DeBryn started to say something to him. “Ah Morse, going to the next trivia night at the pub? Trewlove is trying to round up another group.” 

“No..no..I don’t think so; I don’t know much about sports or pop culture…… but there is something I’d like to invite you to.” DeBryn looked at him quizzically. 

“Er ….um it’s a wedding….um my wedding.” DeBryn began to smile and gave Morse a funny look “I see and just whom are we marrying?” 

“Um…it’s Inspector Thursday’s daughter, Joan.” 

“Well well well, Morse. ‘And one are fond of me and all are slain’ hmmmmmm “ , DeBryn grinned recalling the earlier conversation. 

“Yes, something like that” Morse responded the corner of his mouth twitching into a smile. “I’ll be there” DeBryn promised “Don’t look so nervous, old fellow; I’ll buy you a drink the day before. I think there’s a brother in there somewhere; bring him along and the father if he’s still on speaking terms with you.”  
______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________  
Morse was leaving Dr. DeBryn when he bumped into Strange who was coming for the next appointment.

“Hullo, Matey!” Strange bellowed out in greeting. “I thought I might see you here. I heard about you and Joan from the old man. Now there’s a turn up, you sly dog.”

Morse gave a nervous smile and greeting and a non-committal “It was just one of those things.”; ready to be on his way.

 

“So what? It was when we made up that four- you, me, Maureen, and Joan. It was like Maureen and me made the match for you; glad it turned out alright for one of us. I never see Maureen now, do I? I see why you didn’t take the London job now. It’s like they say, love makes you do crazy things.”

 

Morse shrugged, “I guess; something like that” giving Strange a flippant smile. “You’ll come?” he asked, feeling he had to ask now.

 

“Yeah, yeah, I’ll be there; a little short notice to find a date and all, but I’ll manage! Well, congrats again. You winnin the brass ring and all- your sergeants and now this.” Strange clapped Morse on the back and walked off grinning at him


	8. The course of true love never did run smooth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Morse and Joan face hardship and then come through it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've had this sort of ending in mind since I first started writing this story. It ends a little odd, I know. Joan has been through so much that she never dealt with (Morse too) so they never would have a perfect storybook ending. In this story, they do love one another and I wanted to show in a small way that love can transform a person in the end. I hope you enjoy it!

They were married on a cold Saturday in November. It hadn’t snowed, but they sky was gray and as chilly as a thousand pin pricks.

When Joan had walked down the aisle, she found herself warmed by Morse’s sweet loving look and smile as he held her gaze. She felt in that moment it was the best decision she had ever made. 

The ceremony, the photos, giggling with Joyce as they got dressed in her old room, the small reception her parents had thrown for them at the house…..even though it had been a hastily thrown together affair and very small; it was everything Joan had ever imagined as she was growing up, even down to the adoring husband on her arm.

In later years looking back, Joan could never remember that it was freezing that day; she only remembered the warmth and love that she had felt surrounding her. 

Strange had driven them in the jag from the party to Morse’s little flat. They had kissed in the backseat. 

It was just a stop before leaving in the morning for a London 3day honeymoon.

Morse had picked her up and carried her down the stairs and into their new home as she had giggled. He sat her down in the middle of the front room and had quickly put on a record. He had twirled her around before holding her tightly to dance with her. Joan was smiling so much her cheeks ached. 

She didn’t know the song’s name or the composer, but she thought of it as their song from then on. She thought it was a very good and happy sign for the future……

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Epilogue 

Joan sat curled up in an arm chair with a cup of tea in the early morning before Morse awoke. She sat remembering and recalling moments of the last 10 years. 

Even though she had been one of those girls that HAD to get married to someone; she had loved Morse;....... did love Morse. 

They had been happy at first; a bit awkward at the newness of the change in their relationship, but happy. 

The baby had grown within her and then the unthinkable had happened. 

Joan had been crossing a walk slick with ice and had fallen. The baby had been lost. Joan had retreated into her grief. 

Morse had tried to care for her, get her to talk about it, to hold her and listen, but she had shut him out. 

In the quiet of her own thoughts, distorted by grief and trauma, she imagined he resented her for being locked into marriage with her for no reason now. 

He had begun to drink more and tried to hide it from her. He worked more or was slowly getting drunk at home. 

She had asked him to leave once before. She knew Dad had talked to Morse, and her Mum had talked to her. She had told Joan they need to learn to love and forgive and move forward together- that’s what makes a marriage. 

Joan knew this deep down, but her stupid pride sometimes kept her from following through. 

Morse had apologized for the drinking and the way he pleadingly looked at her made her believe it would all be alright. In an odd way, she was mad that he still wanted a messed up girl like her. 

Dad had passed away and before he left the world he made them both promise to be good to each other and asked Morse to take care of her. Her dad had told Joan that Morse loved her so. She knew that deep inside too.

His death had cut Joan to pieces . She had gotten a job to keep from going mad and felt that Morse thought that she would leave him at any moment now that she had her own money but she didn’t know how to reassure him.

He fell into his old drinking habits and she threw him out again in a fit of rage.

She was mad at everything and at all the loss in her life…at all the trouble that was her own doing; she knew she was taking it out on Morse.

Maybe she really was horrible inside. 

She didn’t tell her mum this time (who was living near Sam and his family in London). She didn’t even tell Sam.

In six months, she had barely talked to Morse; it hurt her more than anything. 

She was surprised then when he had showed up at her door sober a month before and sincerely telling her that he loved her and that he didn’t want to ever lose her again. 

She had let him in and they had fallen into each other’s arms and into bed together. And it had been lovely, really lovely; certainly more passionate than she had ever experienced. She let him take her to dinner and come back over on weekends and then move slowly back in. 

He was making an effort, she saw his drinking was far less and more under control, and so she made efforts too. 

She began to talk to him about the baby, the loss, the grief that scared her. They even talked about that day at the bank- the day that set all this in motion. All the layers of solitary grief and resentment seemed to melt away. 

The past month gave her hope for their future and she felt all the old deep feelings of love for him resurrect themselves. 

She felt more like the old Joan, the Joan of before the messes, when she was just a simple girl with a deep crush on her father’s bagman. She felt like a newlywed with him this past month. 

With all of this flooding her thoughts, she blushed and sipped her tea. Their journey to love and understand one another felt right on course this time.  
__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

When she had discovered she was pregnant, she had almost fainted. 

“How very different from last time”, she thought. 

They had never talked about this possibility since the great loss 9 years before and had always tried to be careful but the past month, well….it had been more wild abandon than anything.

Joan smiled and loved her little secret, but she knew she would have to tell Morse soon. She hoped he would be happy.

She heard him stir from the bedroom; he opened the door and came out yawning and scratching his tousled hair. 

“Joan; what are you doing up so early?” he asked. “Just thinking; come here” she told him as she held out her hand. He put his arms around her and kissed her good morning. Joan put her hands on his shoulders as he held her in his embrace so she could look into his eyes. He looked questioningly but lovingly at her.

Her eyes shone. “I have something to tell you” she said.................

The end

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope it wasn't too sad and was left on a note of hope. I'm not entirely sure that Morse would have made a good father; perhaps for an older child and perhaps he would have risen to the occasion. My vision for the ending of this story is that he and Joan DO rise to the occasion and that it's a new beginning for them- in marriage and in life together.

**Author's Note:**

> I might add another chapter. I have some ideas about Joan breaking it to her parents, and a funny conversation between Morse and Sam, but we will see if I have time for it!


End file.
